I started blogging when the dudes were just about this size:
Chris was away a lot, my whole life was caring for the dudes, and I needed an outlet: to share some of the beauty of my day-to-day, and to remind myself of the beauty because I was so often feeling caught up in the difficult and tiring and seemingly never-ending of it all. I blogged to stay connected and to feel connected as well as for my own sanity.
Now it is suddenly more than eleven years since our first dude was born and almost 6 years since my first post. These 3 little boys:
... have grown into these:
... and these:
Absolutely everything has changed.
Where we live, what work and home look like, the land and people and creatures around us- these have changed along with the shoe size, vocabulary and ability to push my buttons of the boys.
It's still my job to notice what interest-waves the boys are riding and to try to feed them. It used to be about walking gently along together, strewing support and provocation here and there. Now I need to run and jump alongside and I'm lucky if I can keep up. Growing is happening in every possible way.
I've spent the last year or so resisting the reality of the ever-passing days. I've cried and kicked and screamed, I've tried to bury my head in the sand, I've spend many an hour tearily looking through photos.
Time is ticking. I'm trying to break the habit of the looking back. Look at those boys up there. No matter how much I dream of being able to slow time I just can't do it. I love who and how they are and need to be present for what is happening now, awesomeness and frustrations and sweet smiles and everything else.
They are always ready to step into what's next. I plan to be with them along the way- at least for as long as they'll let me (which I think will be for quite a while yet, I hope.)
This blog has been about my little boys. They're not so little anymore. I still feel like writing, and blogging here has been helpful to me in so many ways, but I feel a shift coming in the way that I write. It's time to set this blog aside.
I love this format so I expect there will be more to come. I know I'll have photos to share and there's no doubt that I'll need to do some processing as these sweet little monsters grow into ever-challenging and creative creatures.
Sigh. I'd better get busy figuring out what's next. I think I'm going to need it!